Words of Wisdom For the School Year: A Guest Post by Lauren Ochalek

Tonight marks our daughter's second "Back to School Night." This year, she'll be entering first grade. Some might say that this is where the real school journey begins, as it is technically the "first year" of school, though when you're parenting a child with Down syndrome, your child's educational journey truly begins when they first enter the county's "Infants & Toddlers" program. Regardless, our daughter, Ellie, will begin first grade next Tuesday and she could not be more excited. As the mother of a child with a disability, I would be lying if I said that I wasn't anxious about this new beginning, though, like Ellie, I too am excited to see where this upcoming school year will take her and her confidence in everything always brings me much peace.

Every school year has brought its fair share of new and exciting experiences for our girl, and it has always been humbling to look back and reflect on just how far she's come. After all, this was a baby who doctors feared was incompatible with life.

To see her thriving is the joy of our lives, but I digress. Below are several pearls of wisdom from our family's first six years of walking along Ellie's educational path. While this advice is unique to our lived experiences, we hope that it may help others somewhere along the way.

Collaboration is Key...

We feel as though much of Ellie's educational success can be attributed to not only her intellect, drive, and beautiful disposition, but also the willingness of dedicated educators to see her potential and presume competence. From the very beginning, we have viewed Ellie's team, as we refer to them, as just that...a "team." By Merriam-Webster's definition, a team is "a number of persons associated together in work or activity." In this case, the work at hand is the molding of our daughter into a confident, independent, and well-rounded individual who will someday be on her own (to the fullest extent possible) as a contributing member of society. Regardless of chromosome count, working with educators who see Ellie's worth has made all the difference and, for that, we are forever grateful.

We believe that a part of working as a team is both parties coming to the table and showing their hands, long before the school year begins. As parents, coming to every meeting (be it an IEP meeting or parent-teacher conference) with thoughtful intentions and a vision statement can make all the difference in how the school year, and your child's educational journey in general, progresses. It helps immensely to set solid expectations and the tone for future meetings and communication. Discussing a child's strengths and weaknesses in an open, honest manner gives the team the benefit of understanding how your child best learns so that an individual plan for success can be formulated.


Optimism Along the Journey...
So much of Ellie's educational journey, we believe, can be directly attributed to a positive outlook and willingness to collaborate with educators. Going into a meeting about your child with "guns a-blazing" (as many parents of children with disabilities have been led to believe is necessary) is absolutely not constructive nor helpful to anybody involved. Instead, coming to every meeting with an optimistic, uplifting attitude and a willingness to work together is half the battle. Open lines of reciprocal communication are everything!

While it is critical to always be your child's best advocate, please know that, in general, the majority of educators truly do have your child's best interests at heart. It is time that we, within the disability community, no longer engage in fear-mongering associated with the education system wronging our children; instead we must embrace and support our educators and then, in the event that it is absolutely necessary, remind them of what the law states regarding FAPE and LRE as they relate to IDEA. Kindness and mutual respect make the world go-round and can go a long way in fostering constructive relationships between home and school.

Gratitude and Thanksgiving...
As a family, we are very passionate about the work that our educators do to help our children every step of the way along their educational journey. We always make it a point to emphasize our appreciation for these (too often underappreciated) individuals who dedicate so much of their lives, both in and outside of the classroom, to the betterment of others. Teachers are responsible for helping to shape our future generations - the least we can do as parents is recognize them and show them our gratitude.

Final Thoughts...
We know that Ellie's educational journey may not always be all rainbows and butterflies (we also understand that our experiences may be very different from others), however, with a foundation built on mutual respect between parents and educators, we are certain that we'll always be able to put Ellie first in the collaborative decisions that are made to support her throughout the entirety of her schooling. We have been very fortunate, thus far, to have educators who believe in our girl; educators that consistently set the bar high while presuming Ellie's competence, a bar that Ellie is continually determined to not only reach but exceed. Ellie's journey, as a student who is fully included alongside her typically developing peers, has been the model and definition of positive inclusion in every way. Along with excelling academically, inclusion for Ellie has meant lessons in respect and appropriate behavior, while forming strong, beautiful friendships and positive self-esteem. I know, undoubtedly, that her typical peers have learned much from her also. Inclusion for Ellie and our family has been such a gift.

Our Vision for Ellie...
Below is our vision statement for Ellie and is shared with her educators at every IEP meeting and the beginning of every new school year:

"Ellie will lead a life as independent as possible with whatever supports in place that she may need to succeed. We wish for her to be valued, respected, and included throughout the entirety of her life. We expect that she be treated like any other individual and be held to the highest of standards. We plan on her earning a high school diploma and attending a post-secondary institution to further her education. As an adult, it is our expectation that Ellie will have acquired the ability to work in a field that she desires and earn a livable wage; live independently, if she so chooses; and make a difference in her community, and the lives of those around her.

With this vision in mind, we believe that the very foundation of the life in which Ellie is building will greatly impact her future; therefore, there is much value in the decisions that are made today."

**Ellie is a rising first grader, big sister, incredible daughter, and amazing friend. Ellie enjoys dancing, swimming, and her involvement in Girl Scouts. She is constantly breaking down barriers and proving to the world that she is more alike than different, just by being who she is. The author of this piece is her mother, Lauren. Lauren is a nurse educator turned SAHM who, over the past six years, has worked tirelessly to advocate for Ellie and others within the Ds community as a whole. Lauren has dedicated her time to various local and national Down syndrome organizations throughout the past six years, though her current involvement is focused on the restructuring Down Syndrome Connection of Anne Arundel County, an organization that is very near and dear to her heart.**