What My Daughter Has Taught Me About Love

We do not talk about Rachel as much as we should, and it is important that we do because Mark's story is as much about him as it is about his big sister. It has been that way from the moment that we learned that we would be welcoming a child with Down syndrome into our family. I feel confident speaking for many other parents of children with Down syndrome when I talk about these things because, as parents, we want what we feel is best for all of our children. So when you hear the words, "your baby has Down syndrome," the flood gates of emotion and preconceived ideas immediately fill your mind. Not only do you ponder what this child's life will be like, but you also consider what effect a special needs sibling may have on your other children's lives.

The list of questions seems unending. How will my other child view her sibling? Will she feel neglected because of any additional attention her sibling requires? Will she resent her sibling with special needs? Will she want to help take care of that sibling in the future if he or she cannot live independently? Understandably, asking oneself these questions is normal, but considering these things did not make me feel very good as a parent because, honestly, I never imagined how fulfilling this journey would be for me as a person, a woman and a mother to both of my children.


I can say, 10 months into Mark's life, that I wish that I had not worried so much about how Rachel would feel about her little brother, because she feels nothing but love for him. Unconditional, unadulterated love. I'm not sure why I expected anything else from this beautiful little soul who tends to him when he cries, tries to make him laugh with her silliness, gives him hugs and kisses just because he is "my Markie."

And it is this love in its truest form - without limits or exceptions for whatever differences there may be - that has pushed me these last few months to do whatever I can to make the world a little more aware, accepting and inclusive for people living with Down syndrome, or any other special needs. Because at the end of the day, we as adults can sometimes learn from our children in the ways that they see the world and see people at face value.  All of the children who interact with Mark, such as his sister and his cousins, they see nothing but a sweet little boy who loves to smile and wants to play. They just love him the way he is, plain and simple.

I know that one day we will have to explain to Rachel that Mark has Down syndrome. I know that our relatives and friends will one day have that conversation with their children too, if they have not already. And that will be one of the most important conversations that we have with our children, because it may have a profound effect on how they will view all other people who seem different from them, who do things a little slower or in a different way, people who may need some assistance doing things.

Mark and his cousin, Joel

Thankfully, there are many people who have walked that road before me whom I call "my village," and I am so grateful for the connections that I have made in our local Down syndrome community because it has calmed so many of my fears about who Rachel will be as a result of her brother's life. Because most of the children who I have met who have a sibling with Down syndrome are, at a young age, very compassionate and empathetic. They are tender hearted. They are caring. They are wise beyond their years. I am also happy to say that it is also true of the adults that I have met who have siblings with Down syndrome. They speak lovingly of their siblings, they are proud of them. Yes, they will acknowledge the challenges that come with having a sibling with special needs and the unique concerns they face with their adult siblings. However, it is clear that they feel that their sibling is an important and contributing member of their family. And isn't that we all want to be and want all of our children to be as well?

So keep loving hard, sweet Rachel. You, my dear, inspire me in so many ways. You make me a better Mama to you and your brother by being an example of what we are called to do - love others as we love ourselves.