It’s hard to know
where and what to start sharing when your whole life feels like it has been
moving at the speed of light. Sometimes it is hard to remember what you did
yesterday, let alone where or perhaps more importantly WHO you were six months
ago. Our family has been through a lot of changes in that time. I went back to
work part time in a new specialty and recently discovered that being home with
the children was where I was truly supposed to be; Rachel started her first year
of preschool; Mark hit new milestones and has lagged behind in others; we bought
our first home and moved; we started new therapies and met new challenges on
our journey with Down syndrome. Left out of that list of events are the details
– the moments of joy, laughter, sadness, regret, happiness, questioning, worry,
more questioning…more worry. These are feelings that all parents go through at
different times on their parenting journey. But for those of us who have
children with special needs, the highs and lows can certainly be more emotionally
draining. The worry about the future, the questions about whether or not you
are doing enough, giving enough, BEING enough for your children can be a heavy
burden. Having lived through lows like these recently, I can say that I have
learned a lot about myself, my family and how I can be better to me on a more
regular basis.
Here are three
affirmations that I am reminding myself of everyday in order to help me get
through the daily grind of being a parent, and particularly a parent to a child
with special needs. Just three of these everyday to help me get through those
difficult moments. I hope that they help you too.
Today I
am going to do the best that I can my family.
Be confident every
morning when you get out of bed that today you are going to do your best and be
at peace with that no matter what the day brings or how events unravel. It
sounds simple. And I feel confident that most of us can say that we do go out
and do the best that we can for our family every day. However, I know that sometimes
I get home and feel like I just didn’t do enough. I feel like I could have done
better. And those feelings of doubt are powerful, and they can create feelings
of anxiety and worry that can be destructive. Could you have done better? Maybe
or maybe not. But at the end of the day, you tucked your kids into bed and they
feel cared for and loved. If you were late to a therapy appointment or got frustrated
because of another set back, it is ok. The most important thing is that you did
the best you could for that day. Tomorrow is another one.
Today I
will give myself a break.
This one plays to
one of my greatest strengths and weaknesses, and it may be one of yours too. I
am way too hard on myself. With
everything, but perhaps most especially what I am doing as a parent for my
children – both our son with Ds and our neurotypical daughter. Over the past
month, I have been told “you need to give yourself a break” by more people than
I can recall. In fact, our new special educator from the county Infants and
Toddlers program specifically wrote in our list of things to work on, “Give yourself
a break mom! You are amazing.” Thank you, Brooke, I really needed that. And she
is right about me, and she is probably right about a lot of you reading this.
It’s okay to not do it all. It’s okay to take a mental break. It’s okay to just
exist in the moment and stop caring about milestones or the future or how people
perceive your child with special needs. Yes, we all grapple with these issues more
frequently than many of us care to admit. But today, tell yourself that you are
going to give yourself a break. Whatever that means for you today. None of us
are perfect, and no one expects you to be.
I am the
best person to parent my children.
You, mom or dad,
are the best parent for your child with special needs. I know that you have
probably been told before something like, “only special people are blessed with
kids with special needs.” And every one of us who has a child with special
needs will readily admit that there is nothing particularly special about us!
And there are days that you have thought and will probably think in the future “why
me? I’m not cut out for this.” But the truth is that you are. You have risen to
the occasion. You have weathered more storms than you give yourself credit for.
And you have loved your children more than anyone can ever fathom. You are more
than enough. You are an inspiration to others. You are amazing. So start believing
it today.
